


It's Not Dating Per Say

by Happy_Loner_Mushroom



Category: Archer (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 00:05:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13512582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Happy_Loner_Mushroom/pseuds/Happy_Loner_Mushroom
Summary: Cheryl knows she loves Krieger. Sure, she is always ready to sleep with someone new, but she also knows when she’s feeling the need for a bit of a break, or when she’s bored, or when she decides to just feel something, Krieger always comes to her mind.





	It's Not Dating Per Say

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I wrote some fanfiction for Cheryl and Krieger a looong time ago, and after I watched Archer: Dreamland recently I decided to revisit it. There's not enough people in this fandom, and it makes me sad. So, here's my contribution to making it bigger. Hopefully this'll inspire someone to write better fanfiction for this ship!
> 
> Enjoy! Comments are always welcome!

“Krieger, just get in the car already! I don't care if you're covered in blood! I'm starving!” 

Cheryl screamed in annoyance as Krieger locked the door to his apartment, which he only ever gave Cheryl the address to. Out of habit now, he always sent her a text and a handwritten note of his new address every time he was forced to move. Either from being evicted or out of fear of being caught for some accident or another. 

They weren't dating, but they weren't not dating either. Cheryl had formally broken up with him four years ago, but somehow he always ended up waking up naked next to her on most of his weekends. It was either with her looking almost like a victim of being choked to death, or finding themselves in some insane bondage. Once it was them in the natural history museum in one of the displays. Really, the possibilities were endless to what he might find when he woke up in the morning with her wrapped in his arms. Well, without her as well for that matter, but it just didn't always guarantee sex like she did.   
“So, what restaurant are we going to?”

“Agh, I don't know, it better be one that serves pheasant though,” Cheryl yelled, as they climbed into his van. 

“I know just the place!” Krieger exclaimed as he started driving. 

Yes, Krieger knew what they did didn't necessarily count as dating. Not when he had Mitsuko waiting for him at home, and when he knew that Cheryl definitely didn't just sleep with him. There had been several occasions when he walked in on her and several different people, though most of the time it'd just been Pam. 

“Algernop! Quick kiss me, I want to make that bitch sitting at the bar who's been eyeing you jealous!” Cheryl said as she was already tugging at his shirt collar to pull him in. 

But there it was. One of the reasons why he knew he couldn't just discount this as not dating. It was how she was the only one who had called him Algernop in years. It was the illogical, completely science defying feeling when they kissed. It was the way she seemed to put her all into every kiss, even when no one was watching. It was how he always managed to get excited around her. He sometimes couldn't even get it up for Mitsuko, or some homeless person he walked pass. 

He remembers now why he stuck with her. She was a perfect type of crazy that seemed to fit his. Sometimes her demands were utterly unreasonable, but that had actually spurred him on in the long run. Like how he managed to get his hands bigger through an unspeakable experiment no one should ever hear about. But, he had been glad he'd discovered how to, and he'd been amazed that it was all because she complained about him having the hands of a child. 

He remembers now why he loves her. It’s because he thinks she’s beautiful even when she’s just standing around looking bored. It’s because she spurs him on to wreak havoc with her wherever they go. It’s because when they’re stuck in an elevator together and he’s holding a canister of something that is for sure illegal, he knows she’s the only one who couldn’t care less. She’s bat shit crazy, and that makes her brave. And, he knows he’s not gonna meet another woman like this ever again. 

That’s when he decides to pull out the plastic bag of something from his bloody lab coat pocket. Yes, at Cheryl’s insistence, he really did just go to the restaurant without changing out of his ruined clothes. 

***

Cheryl knows she loves Krieger. Sure, she is always ready to sleep with someone new, but she also knows when she’s feeling the need for a bit of a break, or when she’s bored, or when she decides to just feel something, Krieger always comes to her mind. 

She knows he’s probably the only man who can offer her such an exciting time, yet also relax her the most. He’s always willing to go along with her antics, and sometimes she’s willing to indulge his. Mostly she is just willing to not judge.

She watched as he pulled a plastic bag out of his bloody lab coat pocket and wondered if he was going to give her some LSD breath strips or gummy bears again. Really though, she didn’t need those to be with Krieger, although she would just like to ingest them anyways. Instead, she watched as he pulled out a small diamond ring, and gasped very loudly, putting her hand on her mouth in a shocked manner.

“You remember my experiment with a goat’s stomach fluid?”

“Nope, not at all.”

“I was trying to see if I could make it even more acidic and breed a new form of super goat. I ended up asking you to lend me a rock with a small diamond in it from one of your mines in Africa, so I could test out if the fluid was strong enough to dissolve the stone but pass the diamond in its feces.”

“Wait was that during that night you came over to the house and we played strip poker high with Pam, Ray, and Figgis? Because if so, I do not remember that night.”

“It was indeed that night, and you ended up letting me stay over. You said I could take the stupid hunk of rock if we did it in the bathtub while I drowned you.”

“Ooooh, now I remember,” Cheryl purred. 

“Anyways, the experiment didn’t exactly go as planned. I ended up with two goats dead, but the diamond did come out of it and I just thought I might as well give it back to you in a more cleaned up version, because trust me, you wouldn’t want to see how it looked when I dug it out,” Krieger said as he gently placed the ring in her palm and closed her hand. 

“Oh my gosh, is this a proposal?”

Krieger’s eyes widened at the thought and he looked away nervously.

“I mean-um, not-”

“I accept!” Cheryl said giggling and throwing her arms around Krieger. 

There was a hesitant and scattered applause from the other restaurant goers before Cheryl screamed at them to shut up and stop ruining her moment. 

“So wait, you want to get married? To me?” Krieger said at last. 

“Duh, of course I do. We’ve been like sort of, dating for like, I wanna say four years?”

“And three months, two weeks, and one day.”

“Wow, it’s our anniversary too?!” Cheryl exclaimed. 

“Yep, yep, yep,” was all Krieger replied before leaning in to kiss her on the cheek. 

“Does this mean I can finally destroy that pink ghost that’s your girlfriend?”

“Uh...fine. But, only if you promise to sleep around less. Not saying completely stop, but maybe tone it down?”

“No, yeah, I get it. Fine, whatever, after all we’re getting married!” Cheryl said, giddy again. She gazed at the ring again, and moaned, "Mrs. Algernop Krieger."

“You wanna get out of here and go somewhere to have celebratory sex now?”

“I know! Let’s go back to the mansion, and invite the others over! So I can rub it into their faces that I’m getting married, and then throw a crazy all-nighter!” 

“Yep, sounds good.”

“Okay, but first, let’s stop by your place. I want some LSD for the party.”

“Already some in the van.”

“EEEEEEE! He he he!” Cheryl giggled and screamed as she hooked her arms around Krieger as they walked towards his van.


End file.
